Tuesday, 28th.

Blood work. Check.
Stool sample.  Check.
Follow up with internist. Check.
Wonderful and LONG conversation with Evan on his 'golden' 27. Check.
Hair cut. Check.

Tomorrow....

Heading out to Yosemite.  Renting a car @  9am and driving 6.5 hours to Teneya Lodge to attend the North American Drama Therapists Association's convention.

Mimi Savage, RDT from San Diego, has encouraged and offered to mentor me in this process of another new life.  CTFD, Careers Transitions For Dancers, has offered counseling, leads, knowledge of grants, etc... and reporting back to them afterwards will be a lively dialogue!

This is, yet, another discovery waiting to be met.  Drama therapists, heads of programs, universities, writers/publishers of the practice, leading and cutting edge thinkers in the field:

Keynote Speaker: Craig Chalquist, PhD

Craig Chalquist, PhD., is the program chair of the East-West Psychology department at the California Institute of Integral Studies in San Francisco, CA. Craig focuses his scholarly writing and teaching on depth psychology, ecopsychology, qualitative research, Systems Theory, ecotherapy, and mythology from a psychological perspective. He practices what he refers to as "Deep Education": the kind that invites the human relationship to nature, elements, creatures, and Earth to shift from mere utility to deep appreciation. "'Deep' also means encouraging the learner to probe through appearances, surfaces, and customary explanations to explore persistent motifs, images, collective fantasies, and other structural forces that shape institutions, works of culture, and technologies and that constitute the true foundations of our time."

He also trains psychotherapists in ecotherapy techniques, has presented at Bioneers, and gives local presentations on "Gardening and Mental Health." He is on the editorial board of the journal Ecopsychology and a member of the International Association for Ecotherapy.

US and Canada are ALL gathered in one glorious location for a 3 day conference which I could be a part of for the entire time, but would feel boldly inadequate and overwhelmed....  So, the Eley family reunion in San Antonio has the trump card (with the gracious gifts of flight) and I have to leave after the pre-conference day to drive back to PS and get on a plane to SA on Friday.  Wow-za, ka-zow-za... 

But, this IS what it is to be.  I need to explore WHAT it is, HOW a Masters can happen, WHERE this will take place, COST involved, WHERE the mentorship could manifest, WHAT are the legs for this practice in the Cochella Valley, TIME LINE on completion, POSSIBILITIES of vocation being in schools, Betty Ford, Barbara Sinatra, 29 Palms, etc... there IS a list and the possibilities are very REAL.  

In the meantime, Q will be with Auntie Diane and Auntie Judy and probably fed more than a good doggie should!  :p

Plus, my 63rd birthday. God damn. I was SOOOO foolish and arrogant to think I would've had it all together, figured out, and have those multiple entranceways all over the world in my hand.

L.I.F.E.

Friday, 24th.

Got a call from Trey and HE GOT A JOB! IN HIS FIELD! IN CHICAGO! 40 HOURS/WEEK @ $34/HOUR, PLUS BENEFITS, OVERTIME, EXTRA HOLIDAY PAY, PAID VACATION!

HE WAS SO EXCITED HE WAS STAMMERING!  AND DIDN'T WANT TO TELL ME UNTIL THE 1ST 2 WEEKS WERE COMPLETED.... JUST IN CASE.  :))

http://www.rada-arch.com

THIS IS THE BEST NEWS IN 6 YEARS!

Saturday and Sunday, 18 and 19,

Hot weather, scalping the golf courses and I feel the asthma coming on.  Pumping Zyrtec into my system hoping it's not too late!

On Sunday, Lisette and I went into Indian Wells CC for a little Tango lesson at 5pm and then listened to big band music, appetizers, a glass of wine and the ballroom crowd, so sophisticated and sweet asking us to dance, leading us up the stairs, dropping back to the table, thanking so kindly.  That was fun!

Monday I wrapped up the Walking The Tightrope work at Reagan Elementary's 2nd grade.  Such a joy this focus work was!  Little love notes all along the way. :)

Tuesday had a dermatologist appointment.  A funny little 'thing' on the back of my thigh so he sliced that off and results back soon.  All good... While at the pharmacist, ran into Judy Bell and she had just been to the same derm and we compared bandaids.  :)  AND, agreed it was time for a martini!  So, went home, walked Q, put on a bit of make up and landed at Margarita's for Martinis.

Wednesday a catch up brunch with Randy, then Thursday a planning session with a new school, Cabot Yerxa in Desert Hot Springs... DHT, the meth capital of the Cochella Valley.  Oh, yippee! :/

So, today's Friday and that nasty lung thing is in full swing, so went to the new internist and seems I'm wheezing and sleeping far too much. Gained 10 pounds and blood pressure WAY too low.  So, she did an EKG (my first), Zpac, asthma inhaler and prescription for blood work up.  Every 2 years this is a good thing PLUS, I have INSURANCE! Thanks to the boobie/lump scare!

Wednesday/Thursday, October 15 & 16.

Wednesday was very busy doing research and working on new curriculum for Dana Leong Trio the new focus work for the McCallum.

After the conversation with CTFD a few days ago, I've been looking at all types of schools for Masters programs, online, close by, life credits, grants and scholarships.  In the research, I reached out to North America Drama Associate with online questions.  They got back to me within 10 minutes.  What?!  And such an inspired conversation with Mimi Savage, MS/RDT out of LA.  Her track is pretty paralleled to mine, single mom, actress for many years, teaching artist in public schools, wanting to get more out of her talents rather than letting others take the goodness and we be the schleppers. So, she got her MA and then onto Registered Drama Therapist.  This job description allows the practitioner into schools, clinics, hospitals, rehab centers, prisons, private practice, group therapies, etc and using drama and dramatic techniques to get to the heart of the problem... usually quicker, with more clarity, ownership and no drugs.

Anyway, she's encouraging me to try and get to their annual conference last of October.  One of the presenters is Robert Landy, PhD, RDT/LDT who heads up the program at NYU.  I had a meeting with him years ago after hearing him speak at an Educational Roundtable for NYCDOE and he totally captured me in what he said and the potential of what the work does.  So, I MAY rent a car, drive up there for Thursday for the pre-conference 9am-8:30pm series.  Got to see if there''s room... Mimi said she'd be there and love to introduce me to anyone and help guide me through the day.  If I can't make it, there's a smaller conference only for Souther California RDT in January.  Either way, this looks good and I'm excited about checking it out.

Today was last day at Cahuilla Elementary teaching to Walking The Tightrope.  All classes were just brilliant!  The kids had beautiful and clear memories of what they saw and how it connected with what we did in the classroom.  Much of the discussion was profound and concentrated with a few being super silly.  One student who wasn't on his ADD meds was acting out terribly.  But, when I asked a very pointed question about the role of the actor who breaks the 4th wall using illeism, he blurted out 'HE BECAME THE NARRATOR!".  Wow.  Ya just never know.

:)

One of the students wanted a selfie at lunch:

and the playground has a certain romance!

The entrance has a bit of inspiration attached!

Monday/Tuesday, October 13 & 14, 2014.

After the early wake up, coffee make, dog walk, dog bye bye... onto the schools to wrap up the Walking the Tightrope lessons.

We started off the class with open discussion on what they saw, what did it mean, who were the characters?, who was the symbolic character?, what did it symbolize?, what else could it symbolize?, what does the title have to do with the play?, has anyone experienced something similar in the play?, can you relate to any of the characters?... etc... Very lively and engaged.  This was the beautiful game of tag and the tag line extraordinary!

Then onto pair/pair writing on similar and different questions.  Writing it DOWN, can make it real and the lively discussions continued. :)  Onto pair pair scene work using illeism as a narrator's tool. That was fun for them and they were able to execute it with minor success.

All this is good and well, but Quincey's been a bit neglected and has pooped in the house consistently for the last few days! really...?  Last night I called him (he was in the patio area sleeping) to go for his final walk.  WHILE I WAS GETTING HIS LEASE, HE CAME INTO THE HOUSE AND POOPED.  Are you kidding?  Well, I caught him in the moment, gave him a thorough tongue lashing, which mortified him, and took him for his walk.  He wanted to sleep on my bed which he never does, as he loves his bed.  So, ONE strong statement: Go to bed!  And off he went to his little dog bed and looked so sad.

I hate being a mom, sometimes!

Agua Caliente, 5th grade.

Saturday/Sunday.

Same ol'. Same ol'.

Wake up.  Make coffee.  Walk dog.  Throw away poop.  Back home.  Drink coffee.  Read email. Bored reading of FB.

OK. Make something to do! ah, yes...

Next focus work at McCallum for Dana Leong Trio and the, *lack* of technology. Now, onto the TA's role of making it happen w/o technology.  Again, working in a vacuum. Argh.

Transcribed notes from Friday's brainstorm and emailed to other TAs. check.

Listened to DLT music and tried to pair WOA (work of art) to music selection. Jeeeeeezzzzzzzzz. Finally, emailed other TAs and Karen (thank you, Diva!) for responding in an equally confused position.

Conclusion:
It is all the same.
Chaos/order/chaos.
Chaos/control/chaos.
Chaos/anger/chaos.
Chaos/apathy/chaos.
Chaos/peace/chaos.

Where the heck am I really going with the rest of this time?

Is it really important or valuable to attempt to make order out of chaos, which ultimately will return to chaos?

Where is the lesson?  Why is the knowledge acquired challenged so voraciously? How is it acceptance is so hard? Why are patterns so ingrained?

As an educator, we look at patterns and applaud the student who sees the pattern.  Perhaps to applaud the student who refuses the pattern? Who defies the pattern? Who becomes the new lesson of choice? And to do this and not revert into chaos?

Hummm... So, happy Sunday night.

Onward.

Friday.

right… The only thing we really  have is ‘time’. Be it good, wasted, lost, one day at,  hopeful…….

NOW

that is the only time.

the only time.

And that time 

Is

Valued

As:

Not the day, the year, the hour but

The Moment.

NOW.

xx

Sooooo, today I met my glorious students at the McCallum for the last of the fabulous focus works of Walking The Tightrope.  9:30 then 11:00.

On to the TA brainstorm for the next focus work: Dana Leong Trio, combining technology with acoustic music.  Great and SUPER idea, but, small hurdle... the schools haven't got the iPads or chrome books yet. WHAT? How can this work?  How can the focus work, work if the techno part is not in place?  Jeeeeeez/ 

The pitch was bought and now WE have to deliver and .... ah.... the tech part is ..... ahhhh..... NOT THERE.  really???

I look down and deflate.

not happy.

Thursday.

After the am routine, day began by heading to McCallum to greet 150 2nd graders and 35 1st graders from Reagan, as well as, 125 5th graders from Lincoln.  They were on their trip to see Walking The Tightrope, a focus work we've been exploring for the last 3 weeks.

As usual, when they saw me, it was like a miracle was happening!  Hugs, arms outstretched, "Miss Stephanie !" squeals, small grouping gathering much to the teachers' smile/stern countenance.

Around 8am I got a call from my gyno's nurse saying there's abnormal tissue from my PAP test taken last week.  So, I made an appointment for a colposcopy for next Wednesday.  I think she's going to do a biopsy at the same time.  Swell... By Monday I should have my mammo and bone density results.

I do know I feel cripplingly tired most of the time.  But, it very well, and probably is boredom/depression.  This blinding loneliness is overwhelming and I just can't seem motivated to get out of it.  It's just too easy to come home, walk the dog, take a nap, fix dinner, have a glass or two of wine, watch tv and head to bed by 10.  Is this boredom/depression or just the fuck-up-ed-ness of being 62?  I just hate it.

So, in the continuing research for going back to school for a masters, the first step, I think, is to get a psych degree.  Next week I'll write out some emails to RDT people and ask if that's the appropriate track, call the U of C, Palm Desert and ask same questions; continue looking at funding, grants, scholarships, work study, etc, as that's the only way I have to go.  But, at least it's allowing a healthy focus in this crappy crag mire.

Wednesday.

Began with a pre dawn walk with Q... the days are getting shorter as it was the same time, but the sun was 15 minutes from rising.  Walking in the early morning dark is, well, rather strange. Instinctively I kept looking for hungry coyotes, lurking for a cute and cuddly puppy doggy, a perfect breakfast snack for many or full meal for one.  Need I say we had a SHORT walk.

Onto Reagan Elementary for an 8:10 first class with 2nd graders.  I think this grade level is my favorite.  They are budding at reading, eager to share, not afraid to speak, helpful with each other, curious, curious, curious.  A McCallum Admin was visiting which was, as usual, a bit of an annoyance and slight disturbance.  Luckily, they know how to be there and NOT be there... silent and supportive, yet madly scribbling notes. Now, that's interruptive. Classes were swell and kids were gems. :)

Neatly hung backpacks along pristine halls.

An empty campus in-between classes. I just think of the kids in the South Bronx and the difference of their learning environment.  I only WISH the students (and teachers) here knew how lucky they are...

Home for a quick lunch and perhaps nap...then onto my mammo and bone density scan.  Give it a few days and I'll know to jump up and down or just jump.  The lesson with this ordeal is to force me to get insurance.  Damn. With all the bills (how did that happen? I live like a pauper) an added insurance payment was just extravagant.

But, more so, honestly: who the hell cares?

Tuesday, October 7, Lincoln Elementary School.

Moving onto creating a scene with 3 characters: 2 actors and 1 symbolic character.

Very lively process with tons of confusion and 'living in ambiguity'.

Fabulous conversation last night with Laura Bunch from CTFD in LA regarding going back to school for MA in Drama Therapy (or related course work).  Bottom line? Tons of research for me!  Where to go for this training? Funding? Finding RDTs where I could apprentice/be mentored. Time and $ investment vs work opportunities, etc. There's a major conference where all this could be addressed the last weekend in Oct at Yosemite and a chance to network, ask questions, see all forms of this type of work that is new to the field, is there still room if I dare go, etc.  So, me and my friendly computer are at it again.

Going to the school this morning it was very grey and overcast with huge, billowy clouds looming like a heavy shroud from horizon to horizon.  The air was cool and breezy. If I closed my eyes and reopened them, looking beyond the palms, I could nearly imagine being on a craggy cliff in Scotland.   What a welcome reprieve from this slice of heat that's hot to the touch.

Marvelous Monday.  I love Mondays.  A new week!  A new sequence onto 52.  Those weeks build into years, decades.  But, a DAY. One day. Monday.  To begin again.  To see what's ahead to reflect on missed moments. The chance to enhance; complete; retire. What ever is the mission or poison, it's all there new to contemplate and shift into a deeper state of contemplation or moving onto Monday.
I think that may be the best word, for the moment. Monday.  Monday!  MONDAY!

Ok, feeling better about just F***ing being here, just choosing to be here 'cause Mondays are so friggin' awesome...

For the last 3 Mondays I've been blessed with Aqua Caliente Elementary School in Cathedral City, CA. I'm working with four 5th grade classes, Inquiry Based Education, teaching to the 24th Street Theatre's production of WALKING THE TIGHTROPE.  (......... aren't we all, walking our own personal tightropes?).

Eager, hungry eyes and hearts greet with smiles and "HELLO, MS. STEPHANIE! Are we going to do more 'acting'? Are we going to be mimes again?  Can I go first? What are we doing today? Will we see you at the theatre?"  Thank you, Monday.

Lots of material is ready to discover, beginning with stage direction. Even for actors who are (hello) professional, still have a problem with US, DS, SR and SL....  These kids were beyond patient with the process! After the rolling of the pen in a discarded file folder box to demonstrate a raked stage and DS movement (Shakespeare's timeline was the example), they stood.  That was a big deal!  So excited to stand and take direction!  Yeah, Monday!

Facing DS, pointing SR. Check.  Pointing SL. Check.  Point US.  ALL classes point above their head which the first time, brought tears of suppressed laughter from the teacher and me. 3 minutes later, US is discovered.  Yeah, Monday!

Then onto the class and scripted scene study.  Noisy and chaotic but exploratory and successful.  Sometimes class IS messy, as life is messy and to acknowledge that brings order, focus, awareness.  Good stuff.

Onto class #2, 3, 4 and home.

Around 6pm I had inspired session with a Careers For Transition Counselor.  Considering going for a Masters in ......... ;)))  After a lively conversation, I have homework to do, research, emails and, hopefully, follow up phone conversations.

Q just barked like a wild dog and pranced stoically back and forth 5-6 times, alerting whatever is outside, HE's the man and don't F w/ me!

I'll miss you, Monday.

Sunday, Oct. 5.

This time 40 years ago I was giving birth to my first.  He was 3 weeks early.  SHIT! That makes him a damn Libra.  Totally sucks.  If he could've just waited a bit longer a fabulous and awesome Scorpio would've been around.  Ah, well, we all have our bearable or unbearable things to bear.

So, in honor of that mournful state, I've decided to fast all day and rearrange furniture.  As I move things, everything gets a good fall cleaning.  Once all is in place a sage in in order and we're done for the day.

I love how Quincey protects me from the evil vacuum!  He actually chomps at it and that bark is shrill, piecing, fierce.  I guess he really does love me.  Ah.

:)

Okey Dokey.

So, it's Saturday and another day to wonder what to do... I've been invited up to Bear Mountain for the day so, I guess Q and I will take the hike.  It's nice once you get there but the drive and traffic is an ordeal.  Plus, my little golden nugget is always an area of concern.

I'm looking forward to Monday.  I'm having a counseling session with CTFD to discuss possibilities of going for a Masters.  I received paperwork, suggested reading, packets for FASFA, etc from NYU and the choices are staggering.  I'd really like to do ALL of them.  So, weeding down to the most critical for my age, knowledge, time, $, etc will all play factors in IF and HOW.

Anyway, petty finances are continuing with work at the McCallum. The children are always so joyful, even when they're acting out.  It's really all about their enthusiasm and it spills over into unacceptable behavior for in classroom protocol.  I do know lights are going on and things are 'ticking' with them, so when I leave, I feel it's been time well spent.

The day always begins with the routine of putting on the coffee then walking Q.  Depending on the class schedule, I may beat the sun to rise.  It IS exhilarating to be a part of the waking day!

How is it?

3 marriages, 3 kids (+), dogs, homes, jobs, careers, lovers, bad scenarios, highs (too many?), lows (too many?), moving/moving/moving/moving, reinventing over and over and over, 62 years old and the pretense of joy after 3 years in the desert to live (and perhaps die) I find...

I cannot find, in MY bathroom, Q tips?

Jeez. What is it coming to? After all, shouldn't this be a no brainer?